it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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