Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
