I faked an abortion last night.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
