I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
What a dumb baby whore.
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I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize