i was born a porn star she said
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
