i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
