I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
We are all done wearing pants today
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
