So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
