Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
