he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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