Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
