Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize