I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I'm passing your future prison.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
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