remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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