the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
My vagina just clenched in fear
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
