i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
