Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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