I'm going to jail i love you
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
