i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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