which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
