I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Panties = found
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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