I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
