Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
