Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Randomize
