i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
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