so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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