if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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