hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
