Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
