I'm pants shitting drunk right now
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
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