We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
