I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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