Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
