Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Randomize
