just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
