No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
