this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
