Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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