Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
