It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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