She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
