I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
