you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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