It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
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