If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
