is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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