My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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