I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
love makes seman taste better
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
