So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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