The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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