Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
She's the barista slut.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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