Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
