id be glad to
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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