Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
