Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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