Do you still have your period?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
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