Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
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Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
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I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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