i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
