it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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