Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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