Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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