I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
