Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
