Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
