some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
