I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
